Losing team members, words, letters, and freedom of speech
by thementalist2
Summary: AU. Hotch's team gets horrifying news from the Mayor of Quantico: the letters of the sign in Downtown have begun falling off. And every time one of the tiles falls off, a letter is removed from the alphabet. One by one, the letters begin disappearing. Two members go missing, and they can do nothing about it... I own nothing.
1. Losing X

_*A/N: This story is a parody of the book, _Ella Minnow Pea_ by Mark Dunn. I own nothing, the original idea belongs to Mark Dunn. I randomly came up with an idea in English class to do a parody of this book. Just like the novel, the story will be written in letter-format, which means that the book or work is made up of letters.* _

**~ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ~**

An anonymous typesetter wrote, "The wicked peon quivered, then gazed balefully at the judges who examined him."

**QUANTICO, VIRGINIA**

**Monday, January 10**

Dear Emily,

Thank you for coming to visit me over your winter break. It was really nice of you to come back to Quantico after you had to leave for London to accept the job at Interpol. I hope that the job continues to suit you well.

A shocking event has taken place here since you left for London. The sign in Downtown that says, "The wicked peon gazed balefully at the judges who examined him," has recently lost a letter, the 'X' tile. I assume that the glue holding up the letter lost its strength. The tile smashed into pieces, and immediately, a woman took out a dustpan and swept up all the broken pieces. She headed straight over to Mayor Brown's office and showed him the broken tile. He and all his friends at the office headed into one of the conference rooms and had a meeting about what they were going to do about this dilemma.

Four hours later, Mayor Brown had a letter delivered to the BAU. Strauss opened it and called the entire team into the conference room to discuss what Mr. Brown had decided to do about the broken tile.

She told us that beginning at midnight on January 13/14, the letter 'X' was now going to be forbidden from the English language. No one, not even children, are allowed to speak or write any word containing this letter.

Anyone who speaks or writes with this letter will be given a warning the first time, and then for their second offense, they will be thrown in jail. But even worse, if you reach your third offense, you are permanently banished from Quantico.

I am astounded at this new law, along with everyone in the city. The BAU is enraged, including Strauss. She even threatened to kill the mayor since everyone has the right of speech. Quantico is going to be ruined in no time. Many people will leave, and I'm pretty sure that will include all our unsubs.

Please write to me soon. I miss you already.

Sincerely,

Aaron Hotchner,

BAU Unit Chief

*P.S. I've got bad news. Penelope was abducted from her apartment last night.*

**LONDON, ENGLAND**

**Wednesday, January 12**

Dear Hotch,

Thank you very much for your letter. I wish I could have stayed longer, but my boss needed me back in London for a case.

How shocking! How could the Mayor of Quantico throw in that kind of law? Taking away our right of speech without us having a say in it.

I'll be on the next flight to Quantico. I really missed spending time with you, and I demand to have a talk with Mayor Brown about this new law. He should at least let the citizens' vote on what we think we should do about this whole situation.

Oh no! It can't be Penelope. I'm already grabbing my suitcase and packing for the trip. Brief me on the plane, I'll call you when I'm boarding.

Sincerely,

and with lots of love,

Emily Prentiss

**UNKNOWN CITY AND STATE**

**Thursday, January 13**

Dear BAU,

One of you will be next. You can't do anything to stop me because you have no idea who I really am. I already have one of your members, and lovely Penelope has been a very good girl. However, she's demanding to talk to Mr. Morgan, so I included some of what she told me.

She told me that she's in love with you, Agent Morgan. But I know that you have no evidence that will lead you to her. Sorry, but I must go. I have some important things to take care off.

And it's midnight on January 13. So long, X. The big and scary BAU will be reduced to nothing.

Sincerely,

The Unsub

**~ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVW*YZ~**

"The wicked peon quivered, then gazed balefully at the judges who e*amined him."


	2. Losing P

***A/N: To the lovely guest who reviewed, here's a more clear explanation of the story:**

**~Basically, our favorite characters are living in a different world. Quantico is supposed to be like any other normal city, but instead, they have a tiled sign "The wicked peon quivered, then gazed balefully at the judges who examined him." For some reason, the sign means something special to the citizens of the city. But when the tiles start falling off, the mayor believes that something bad is going to happen. He then takes away the right of speaking the fallen letters because he wants to prevent the bad thing from happening. But unfortunately, taking away the citizens' right of speech, without them having a vote, is just making the situation worse. Eventually, the letters will continue to fall, until the consequences are so severe…***

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Thursday, January 13

Dear Unsub,

We will find you. And we will put you behind bars for the rest of your life, where you deserve to rot away for what you did.

Sincerely,

The BAU

(Upon the Rossi-Strauss kitchen table)

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Friday, January 14

Dear Erin, my loving wife,

Sorry I had to leave so early. The CIA wanted me to interrogate a suspect that they arrested a week ago. The Reaper had escaped from prison and now he's out there somewhere, terrorizing the streets of this city.

Last night was amazing, my love. You looked so beautiful. I can't wait for the day when our baby comes in a couple of months. I can't even begin to describe how much you have changed my life.

Two tiles smashed this morning while you were eating breakfast. One 'E' and an 'N.' I'm a little worried about the 'E' situation, but at least there are still ten more.

Your husband,

Dave Rossi

(Upon Rossi's desk, at the BAU)

Friday, January 14

Dear Rossi,

Mayor Brown made an announcement when I came into work this morning. We are allowed to use 'E' and 'N', but we have to cut down the use of 'E' by 9%, and 'N' by 33%.

The Reaper is still on the loose. He's after Haley and Jack. I will do everything in my power to keep them safe.

Sincerely,

Hotch

(Upon Morgan's desk)

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Saturday, January 15th

Dear My Fine Sculpture of Manliness,

I have managed to escape from him. I have been on the run for a day, and I am a half hour away from the BAU. Please come and rescue me before he finds me.

I love you.

Sincerely,

Your BabyGirl Penelope

(On Penelope's screen, BAU)

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Sunday, January 16

Dear BAU,

Haley and Jack are perfectly safe, Hotchner. I do hope you realize that beginning at midnight tonight, the letter 'P' is now forbidden to be spoken by anyone. Sorry, Ms. Garcia, but you're going to have to change your name. Haley's already had her first offense, Aaron. She said 'Xylophone' while talking to your son. One more little slip, and your wife goes to jail.

Rossi, your wife is now in my hands. She didn't put up much of a fight after I knocked her out with a mild sedative. Don't worry, it won't harm your unborn daughter.

It's almost midnight. January 17th will be here quicker than you can imagine. I do only hope you all you will survive without 'P.'

Sincerely,

The Reaper

**~ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO*QRSTUVW*YZ~**

"The wick*d *eon quivered balefully at the judges who e*ami*ed him."


	3. Losing J & M

***A/N: Since the more common letters will be falling sooner, the citizens' writing will start to sound different. The last letter is an example because it's missing words. The words contain banned letters, so they cannot be written down.***

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Monday, January 17

Dear JJ,

The most horrifying event occurred this morning around 5 AM. When I woke up, I received a letter from the mayor, saying the 'J' tile had now fallen. Beginning January 18th at midnight, there will be no more 'J.' I am so sorry, my love. I wish we could do something. But already, ten out of the 480 who live in Quantico have now been banned. We cannot rebel against the Mayor or he will have us fired from our jobs, or possibly even killed. He also told me that we have to now have to say 'Ray' instead of 'January.' How will Jack react when he finds out that his name has to be changed too? What about Hotch's sister-in-law Jessica?

I am going to think of something, JJ. I believe that we will get all 26 letters back before something else goes wrong. Can I start calling you Marie?

Your fiancé,

Doctor Reid

(Upon Reid's desk, BAU)

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Tuesday, Ray 18

Dear Reid,

My own name. How could the Mayor take away the right to me saying my own name? It's just wrong. And selfish of him. But I like Marie

I have shocking news. Haley was murdered by you-know-who. Hotch killed him and had his son 'working the case.' His son's new name is now 'Buddy.'

Haley's funeral is tomorrow. I can't even begin to describe how this tragedy must be affecting Hotch and his family.

Your future wife,

Marie LaMontagne-Reid

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Wednesday, Ray 19

Dear Daddy,

I miss mommy. Why can't she come back to us? I worked the case like you said. I wish the bad man never came here. Maybe mommy would still be alive.

Your son,

Buddy

THE OFFICE OF MAYOR BROWN

Thursday, Ray 20

Dear BAU,

Another three tiles have fallen this morning. First was another 'E', then an 'H', and finally, the 'M's. Beginning at midnight tonight, the letter 'M' is now forbidden to be spoken or written. You-know-who is now being known as 'The Slicer.' He likes his new name a lot more than his old one.

You will also have to pay close attention to these three new rules. First of all, since another 'E' has fallen, you will have to cut down the usage of the letter by 10%. So now that two 'E's have fallen, you have to speak words that have 'E' in them 19% less. Second, you have to cut down the usage of 'H' by 33%. And finally, you will no longer be allowed to say 'Monday.' You will now have to say 'Day.'

It is almost midnight. So long 'M.' I will now be known as Leader Brown.

Sincerely,

Leader Brown

(Upon Rose's desk, BAU)

Friday, Ray 21

Dear Rose,

I sorry that they took away the right to say who you now are. Can I call you Rose? Henry is fine. I going back to New Orléans today. I sorry that our relationship didn't last. I wish we could have increased our love, but I blew the chance. I sorry. Henry is at your boss's sister-in-law's house. I hope he has fun with Buddy.

Sincerely,

Your ex-husband,

Will

**~ABCDEFGHI*KL*NO*PQRSTUVW*YZ~ **

"**T*e wick*d *eon quivered, th*n gazed balefully at the *udges who e*ai*ed hi*."**


	4. Losing R & B & G

(Upon Rose's desk, BAU)

Saturday, Ray 22

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA

Dear Rose,

You are so beautiful. I can't even think about what would happen if you were gone. I can't live without you.

Two tiles fell today while you dozed. An 'L' and to my horror, the 'R.' That will affect us so much, I can't even begin to describe what's going to happen to the English language. Rose, can I call you Tanya? I sorry that you have had to change who you are three different...I can't say it. I want to leave here. I want my rights back. (I count a lot of R's. Better still say them while we can.) Will you leave with me?

Your husband,

Mr. Genius

P.S. We will have to make arrangements for the days of the week and every month of the year. They all have that letter that we all will never forget.

Sunday, Andy 23

QUANTICO, VA

To Ms. Section Chief,

It's so difficult to put down what I want to say. I want to tell you that I will always love you. But I will be leaving today. I cannot stay in Quantico. Losing this consonant was...I can't even think about it.

The next two tiles fell while you dozed. It's 'B' and another 'E'. We have to use 'E' so less now. The glue is failing. How long will it be? Until we will have nothing left?

A vowel tile fell about two seconds ago. It's an 'A.'

Ingenuously,

Dave

Day, Andy 24

QUANTICO, VA

Hotch,

Dave is gone. He left on Sunday. He couldn't deal with the fact that a so-used consonant is gone. Danny wants to talk to he. Will left for his house-town days ago. I alone. Son can't say who he is. 'G' fell today. Tonight is so sad.

The ex-liaison,

Tanya

Tuesday, Andy 25

QUANTICO, VA

Hotstuff,

You have no idea that I crazily in love with you. A 'W' fell today at 7, when I came to the AU. One 'W' left.

The Queen of all-knowing

**~A*CDEF*HI*KL*NO*Q*STUVW*YZ~ **

"**T** *ick*d *eon quivered, th*n *azed *alefu*ly *t the *ud*es who e*a*ined hi*." **

~A/N: Danny is Jack's new name.~


	5. Losing K & N & O & Q & D

***A/N: The letters will start sounding extremely weird, since a lot of common letters are falling and are still continuing to fall. Wts./Wt. means 'want.' Oui means 'our.' Also means 'yes' in French. I will be using abbreviations of words more often now. If I say that one tile falls, that's an entire letter removed from the alphabet.* **

Wednesday, Andy 26

Quantico, VA

Susan,

Need you to take Danny today. The 'K' tile fell today. Should use it while we can. What will we do without it?

Hotch, B-in-law

T-day, Andy 27

Quantico, VA

Tanya,

News. The 'N' tile fell while you out. All 'N's.' L. Wn. won't quit it. The tiles fall fast, and we will have none to say.

S.

Fi-Day, A-day 28

Q, VA

Hotch,

E is with W. She wts. what we all wt. Oui whites. She has moved. AU loses oui SC. Soy. I leave today. Leave VA. Head to VT. Soy, Hotch.

De.

Sat-Day, A-Day 29

Q, VA

E,

So 1 yelled at W. It was I. I shout at he, and a tile falls. The 'O.' Sy. I fault. I cause 2 moe tile to fall. The 'Q' and the 'D.'

I sy.

A.

**~A*C*EF*HI**L******STUVW*YZ~**

"**T** *ic*e* *e** *uivere*, th** *aze* *alefully *t the *u**es wh* e*a*i*e* hi*." **

***A/N: Sorry for short chapter.* **


	6. Regaining the letters

(Upon Hotch's desk)

Monday, February 1

Quantico, Virginia

Dear Hotch,

It's over. We have regained the use of all 26 letters. I can imagine that this must be a big relief for you and everyone. I am going back to London tomorrow to tell Interpol that I am quitting my job and moving back to VA. Strauss and Rossi fought Mayor Brown and he decided that since we were having trouble speaking, he gave us the right of speech back. Interpol said that if Brown tried to take away the freedom of speech again, he would be thrown out of office and into jail. I love you and only you.

Your newest returning profiler,

Emily

Tuesday, February 2

Quantico, Virginia

Dear Emily,

I can't believe that you're coming back permanently. That is some of the best news I've heard in a while. Jack really wants to see you again, but he may not be in a cheerful mood. He is still missing his mom terribly, but he considers you to be his second mom. I love you and always will be by your side.

Your Supervisor,

Aaron

Wednesday, February 3

Quantico, Virginia

Dear BabyGirl,

Foyet will never get near you ever again. Rossi brought him in and the killer was sentenced to the death penalty for his crimes. Will you spend the night with me and the team at Rossi's mansion?

Sincerely,

Your Chocolate Drop Derek

Friday, February 5

Quantico, Virginia

Dear JJ,

I went to a bar last night and got extremely drunk. Will was in the bar and started to punch me, but the bartender had him arrested for assaulting a federal agent. Will is not allowed to have custody of Henry. Instead, your son will be in your custody. I am looking forward to our wedding day very soon, sweetheart.

Love,

Your soon-to-be husband, Reid

Monday, February 8

Quantico, Virginia

My dear Erin Rose,

I was so worried that I would never see you again after the whole 'losing our freedom of speech' crisis. But, I know that you are back home where you're safe and near me. I don't want to lose you.

Forever and always,

Rossi

Tuesday, February 9

Quantico, Virginia

Dear Chocolate Thunder,

I would love to come over and spend the night. You know that I wouldn't want to spend a day away from you. :)

Your BabyGirl Garcia

Thursday, February 11

Quantico, Virginia

Dear Reid,

It's almost Valentine's Day. What shall we do even though we are just barely getting over the disastrous 'losing freedom of speech' thing? I want to do something fun. Something that we haven't done before. Or it could be whatever you want. Your pick. I want you to spoil me.

Your fiancee,

JJ

Sunday, Valentine's Day

Quantico, Virginia

My wonderful husband,

Happy Valentine's Day. This morning was very special to me. I never thought our lives would be the same again. I love you so much and I don't know what would happen without you.

Your beloved Erin


End file.
